apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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