How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
