why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I could fuck to npr.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize