I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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