We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
