I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You need a sexual gate keeper
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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