My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
