after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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