I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
