THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
