when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
