I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
