Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
