your thong is hanging out like whoa
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think my vagina is haunted
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
