I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
