He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
