Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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