I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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