just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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