wanna go halves on a baby?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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