Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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