I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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