It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
