I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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