You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
