I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
