I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
