i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Shame - the story of my life.
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