You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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