And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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