i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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