Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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