i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
