We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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