Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
