No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
