Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I love you. Go after that dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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