I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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