woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
