I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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