vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
