I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
