I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
