oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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