Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
