Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
