It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
