I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
