3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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