oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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