you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
