I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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