Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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