I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
