the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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