sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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