so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
