Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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