Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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