i can't believe i had my finger in that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
