it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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