How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
