chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize