We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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