just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
