Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
