Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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