Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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