Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize