I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
