you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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