"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
